I am going to be honest with you, my idea for this blog was kind of a cop out. I thought it would be easy to cut and paste the funniest Thanksgiving jokes I could find. Turns out, the joke was on me because there are some VERY lame Thanksgiving jokes out there and not many funny ones. So what was supposed to be easy turned into a project of determination. Being too stubborn to admit defeat, I searched and I searched, I read joke book after joke book, and this is the best I could come up with. Hopefully, one will make you laugh. I promise I tried my very best.
“What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter on Thanksgiving Day?” “Quack, Quack!”
“Why did the turkey cross the road?” “He wanted people to think he was a chicken.”
“Did you hear about the confused Turkey? He was looking forward to Thanksgiving.”
“What do you call a turkey on Black Friday? Lucky”
“In the middle of November, one turkey says to another, something’s wrong. The farmer just unfriended me on Facebook.”
“What are turkeys thankful for? Vegans”
“Knock, Knock!” “Who’s there?” “Amsterdam” “Amsterdam who?” “Amsterdam so full I can’t zip up my pants!”
“A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store for Thanksgiving Day, but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She turned to the stock boy and asked, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?” “No, ma’am,” he replied. “They’re dead.””
“Thanksgiving is the only holiday where you eat the mascot.”
“One Turkey to another: “Do you think there is life after Thanksgiving?””
“Fact: Turkeys can get a heart attack. This was discovered when the US Airforce was testing breaking the sound barrier and the huge boom ended up with a field of turkeys dead from fright.”
“You know that just before the first Thanksgiving, there was one wise old Native American woman saying, “Don’t feed them. If you feed them, they’ll never leave.” -Dylan Brody”
“What’s most likely to be the best side dish of 2020? Masked potatoes.”
“I don’t understand why the Lions and Vikings get to play on Thanksgiving. Shouldn’t the Patriots play the Washington Team (formerly know as the Redskins), and then steal their stadium?”
“What do you call Thanksgiving in 2020? Dinner”
““An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.” — Irv Kupcinet”
“What do you call a sad cranberry? A blueberry”
“Why did the mashed potatoes turn red? They saw the turkey dressing”
“What sound does a turkey’s phone make? “Wing, Wing””
“Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.” -Kevin James
“On thanksgiving, what did the vegan tell the child when they were about to stomp on a bug? You butternut squash that!”
“Little Johnny returns to school after Thanksgiving break and the teacher asks the class if anyone had an experience that they learned something from over the vacation. After being called on Johnny launches into a story, ” One time in Vietnam my uncle was trapped behind enemy lines with nothing but a bottle of whiskey, an M16 with 30 bullets and a bayonet, surrounded by 50 enemy troops. First, he drank the whole bottle of whiskey then he shot 30 men next he stabbed the last 20 with his bayonet and walked back to his camp.” The whole class was stunned into silence. Finally, the teacher gets her wits about her and says to Johnny, “That was an amazing story, but what lesson did you learn from that?” Little Johnny replies, “Don’t %uck with my uncle when he’s been drinking.””
“The only good thing about Thanksgiving is the food and even that turns to sh!t”
“Who helps little pumpkins cross the road? The crossing gourd”
“What is the difference between a chicken and a turkey? Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving.”
“Did you hear about the X-rated turkey? It’s served with very little dressing.”
“If I was a turkey, I’d be doing everything I could to taste terrible right now.”
“For the first time, we are going to have a HAPPY Thanksgiving. This year, I am stuffing the turkey with Prozac!”
“Where did the very first corn come from?
The stalk brought it.”
“What’s a turkey’s favorite song? I’m dreaming of a white Christmas.”
“What if the Pilgrims shot a bobcat instead of a turkey? We’d be eating pussy for Thanksgiving.” (I HATE this word but you have to admit, that was funny!)
“What did baby corn say to mama corn? Where’s popcorn?”
“What does the a turkey liked to eat on Thanksgiving? Nothing, it’s already stuffed.”
“Where do turkeys go to dance? The Butterball.”
“Why did the apple pie start crying? Because its peelings were hurt.”
I hope you were able to find one funny and age appropriate joke to tell at your Thanksgiving table or zoom tomorrow. If you have a better one, I’d love to hear it.
Happiest Thanksgiving Eve!
Muddy Mommy Runs 